Someone has been parading around, pretending to be me. In the last week, not only did they cut their TV time watching by like 100 hours per week, they bought a rice cooker, and, get this – they started a freakin’ website for resumes and added a Facebook page to advertise the darned thing!
Yes, I’m having a bit of an out of body experience. I know that this is just a small start, but after a looong period of inactivity, it feels awfully strange to have moved the ball this far down the field. Actually, I’m probably just getting ON the field, but even that feels a little odd, to be honest. I’d become really comfortable as a spectator and fan. I am a super cheerleader (minus the great body and dexterity), so to be called into the game takes some getting used to.
And I’ll admit it, the Universe had to corral me and get my back up against the wall before I gave in and gave it a try. Diminishing revenue is felt pretty quickly when you’re a small-time revenue-maker, and so I faced the mirror again knowing that my choice was to make a move or get my own resume out there circulating. Which could still happen; after all, it’s not karma’s responsibility to respond to my new efforts, even if they are spectacular. I’m trying real hard not to feel too proud of myself – many people work hard and take risks as a matter of course. Humility is key, I think. Besides, my arm hurts when i try to pat myself on the back.
Creativity update – I recently had a totally wacky (and violent dream) that woke me up at 4:30 terrified to go back to sleep. It was really detailed, down to my admonishing the villain – a childhood friend turned anarchist – that if he didn’t tell me where my father was, I was going to grab hold of a particularly sensitive part of his anatomy, and pull it (them) up and out through his mouth. I know, a bit graphic – think how I felt to hear myself say it!
I relayed the dream to a friend who promptly said I should turn it into a screenplay. While I can’t promise to do that, I have started wondering if, having tried to reach me during normal business hours, the God of Ideas decided to do a nighttime delivery. I actually feel a little bit tied to the anarchist and his story now – though I am not pleased at all by what he did to my dad. At the very least, it’s a reminder that my mind has not become infertile after all, that there may yet be seeds that just need a bit of watering to push themselves up through the soil.
I do still have worries – my efforts are still in the infant stage. But while I know little about babies. I do know that most of them crawl before they walk. Many of you know that I have a niece, Olivia – born at 24 weeks and 1.5 lbs, she’s now a 6 year-old with a yellow belt in karate and a passion for horses, in addition to being a budding gymnast who can walk on the same hands that, not so long ago, didn’t even want to hold a ball of Play-doh. She loves me, and I feel an obligation to become an aunt and woman who she can look at with pride. Maybe, one day, once my super girl powers are solidified, the two of us can go soaring through the skies together.
Now THAT, I think, is a dream worth pursuing.